Saturday, March 24, 2007
No no all these won't work out...
But
I do noe what din work out and won't work out... it's gd that such stuff are recurring but not always here you see... at least you get some breathing space.
Anw back to life... Block 1 is over! Haha yayy. Ok frankly I have no confidence in getting good results for any subj... Maybe KI maybe bio, but chem and maths was a bit screwed up. Haha shall not mention why but yes they are...
Erm on a more personal level I have indeed learnt something really useful. Never never never be too helpful. Ok I am not to start wif... But erm helpfulness have a limit I suppose? And these limits seem to be closing in on me. Arhh heck. I am still gg to be myself, helping whenever I can and doing whatever I could.
Anda new quote in my life: "What does not kill me, makes me stronger" Of coz this seem really really sad and not exactly who I really am but wait who am I actually again? Have I not lost sight of wad is defined as me?
Recurring dreams, endless regrets.
Only angels up above, may save the world and rescue my nerves. Ok no link. Nvm...
But but I tink I really do owe sorries to a lot of people? I really do. In our quest for our existence I might have done things which are the least desirable I guess. And all these added up to unhappiness and regret. May only these unhappiness follow me and not you, and these regrets still haunts me every now and then. But I am fine. Really. Or I suppose so. I hope.
When all these comes to an end. Start a new beginning.
i was with you @ 10:17 pm
Thursday, March 15, 2007
It feels weird now I feel much peace and calmness in me. Not good. Is it I am devoid of all these feelings le? Does it mean I am able to take criticisms more openly le? Or is it that I am just running away from the problem, and one day I will like crumble to pieces with all these? Am I indulging myself in self-delusion and trying to hide myself behind this emotionless face, the one so familiar, yet so distant?
Many questions pop up and I seriously have no replies to them. How?
What is the feeling of sadness? What is the feeling of happiness? What are feelings? Am I moving towards being non-human?
What is being sensitive? What does sensitivity means? What do I have to do? What is right? What is wrong? Why does my actions always turn out wrong? Is there such a thing as intentionalist? What is my intentions anyway? What are the consequences of what I did?
Did I not pay the price of all these?
What is happening to me?
Shattered. Maybe it's becoz a shattered person cannot experience shattering anymore. Therefore it no longer bothers as much. Maybe it's just my way of running away bahh...
Away from this reality. Hit by the other cruelty. In this humanity. The only thing left is sanity.
i was with you @ 10:16 pm
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Am I such a lousy person at dealing with all these?
To the person whom I am referring to. Please. All these are just getting on my nerves. I know I might have gotten on your nerve too and I am really sorry about it ok. Seriously. But now I feel bad about it I really dunno what to say. If this is how you cope with such things then fine. At least at least let me know what is happening. It's like getting hit without knowing the reason. It's like getting scolded for no reason at all. Have you not been through such stuff before? Can't you understand the frustration?
And ok I am seriously very sorry if I have brought much sorrow/anger/agony or anything of this sort into ur life k. As in I am really sorry... But but I seriously am very very confused by the way things are going on. As in I really give up. I give up. Clearing things up is like part and parcel of life for me. Eek. Wahh and this is really making me damn annoyed. Can't you just get on and make no effort to antagonise me further? Why must I be the one? Why is it ALWAYS ME???
Life is like that. This is just how life is. How my life goes. Am I really such lousy person to you?
Why can't everything return to when it was all simple and free?
i was with you @ 7:30 pm
Monday, March 12, 2007
why must this thing happen to me again?
why must all these come haunt me again? Why why why??? Why can't everything just go the way I hope it would. Is the hope so unattainable? Is what i am wishing for so hard? Is all these worth the while?
Am I such a bad person?
I hate it when all these happen again and again. Repeating themselves time after time. Don't they get tired of it?
Sick and tired
i was with you @ 11:14 pm
Sunday, March 11, 2007
I dun have any more energy for all these already...
Someone tell me the correct thing to do. I really don't know now..
Maybe I should just ignore and concentrate... All this can be sorted out... later.
Misty clouds of uncertainty. Clear stack of undone work.
i was with you @ 9:00 pm
Thursday, March 08, 2007
All these are awfully similar to the past.
And it's not a good thing. Is it? Or am I thinking too much?
Is the world going too fast, or is it me whose pace is too slow to catch up? Seriously I sometimes doubt what I am doing. But I dun seem to be able to help it though. Nothing I can do about it though.
Are what I am feeling really what I am going through? Am I looking too much into stuff? Or is everything just the way I think they are?
Everytime I tink of such stuff it always throws me into a mess. I dun seem to be able to crawl out of these mess. And the mess keep expanding like there's no end to it. Which totally makes things worse. Sometimes things are not what I thought it is, but my actions and words somewhat forces these into what I tink it is. And this often less desirable... How?
Maybe I will find a way in my dreams. Sometimes everything sorts out in dreams. And this is really helpful.
I am still finding a way. Maybe a different way, but a way...
i was with you @ 10:52 pm
Sunday, March 04, 2007
All these somewhat happen quite weirdly i would put it as such.... I seriously dunno if it refers to me, to someone else, or to anything in particular. Sometimes I tink it is better to be explicit?
Thoughts often get over me and seriously I can no longer separate like I used to feelings and emotions (how r they diff i oso dunno... hmm...) and thoughts. Sometimes it all gets too complicated for us to comprehend what is meant and what is done. Sometimes everything is not as complicated as it seems but be perceived as such. Sometimes nothing makes sense. Like what is happening right now. I am seriously confused. :( But nvm. I'll work out some way I hope.
Anyway ytd was reunion dinner *beams* Din get e IPOD NANO (top prize for lucky draw) though.... Actually din get ANYTHING at all... wahh sadness. But yea there's always nxt yr :P
And oh oh I din noe Mr Lee is leaving us... Oh man so sad... but oh well hope he will do well in his new post too though! Visit us often! U r always our officer. :) And oh oh thanks to calvin and chuan khim and team for making ytd a successful one. It was great :) Of coz there's room for improvements... but overall it's v v v gd le :) Really. Serious! Believe me!!!
Anw... had a rather eventful week. And of coz nxt week is as eventful as ever... But hopefully we will get thru all these without much sweat... lolx. And yes sort out my thoughts and feelings and emotions and all.
When everything goes perfectly haywire, juz remove the wire, and let the horse have the hay.
i was with you @ 9:32 pm
