Monday, October 30, 2006
Sadness overwhelming.
Yes I got it off my chest. I got it out. I said it out. Does it help? LOL NO!
Sometimes I just have to learn to live with sorrow... You noe this has been a very very disturbing year.. Everything went so... Not right. I totally hope to restart everything and start all over. I promise I will not go the same path. I promise I will not try so hard. I promise to change. I promise to be better.
My shattered universe now seriously needs a lot of repair. Time does not heal anything (trust me). Cuz it only makes me feel even worse when I try not think about it. I have nothing to tink abt for now... Can't you see? HAIX... nvm
The only thing I wanna say is I regret wad has happened this year. Totally. All I want to say that this time it's real. No I am not e casa u all might think I am. I am not one who would like everyone I come into contact wif. No I am not like this. This time THIS IS REAL. You never knew how long this hs lasted. I have given myself dellusions this past year, and try not to show this. But it's these dellusions that totally killed me. I hate the choice I made...
Tears will not come rolling down my cheek. I will not cry. tears have dried long before it reaches my eyes. My mind is now like going through this drought, dry and painful, unsure of the future that lies before me. No water will pass through here untouched. Tears especially. The only thing I will do is to let the depression and sadness consume me. Like the rebirth of a pheonix, I will, or rather I will try to, get back to normalcy soon.
Since you have made your choice I will not bother u abt it anymore... At least now I see a fuller picture and know better. I understand now... I need to know... So this is the end?
失意者，只能与凄凉为伍
When everything comes tumbling upon you, it's not the weight that kills, it's the effort to restore it that does.
i was with you @ 2:16 pm
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Great time spent with the S70s!!!!!
I simply love my class... they really rox.
Class chalet juz passed... Haha... Really feeling quite shagged and tired out totally... but very very happy.
The chalet was COOL! I think it was great... and we had quite a lot of fun with each other and these are memories that I want to keep. Yupx. Except for occasional disappearance of people in the night esp... *aherm* ok let's not think about that... Nothing happened, guess we spent a lot a lot of time as a class together.. I love this feeling. I really felt the link between all of us in the chalet. Was really great.
I can never forget the bbq we had (2 in total), the movies we saw, the games we played, the stupid comments we made... And us sleeping in a mess... and TY calling the wrong person twice in the morning... damn funny... haha... I really loved the time we had man... cool... no stress AT ALL.
More of these I wish... Missing you guys already..
i was with you @ 10:55 am
Thursday, October 19, 2006
No words can describe...
I just can't say it out. I just cannot find e courage to say it all out. I dun seem to be able to do it... But on the other hand.... it will be a disaster if i said it out.... NO I WOULD NOT. And I dun tink I should. It will not make things any better. This is getting far more complicated than what I think it is. Or maybe it is just purely me thinking too much.
Should I?
i was with you @ 10:06 pm
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Listening to emotional songs thinking about my present.
I really wished for everything to go back to basics... Everything to be clear-cut, simple, and all. Make things so much simpler, make life os much more fuller.
I am really really really feeling dan weird now. Got this mixed feeling of feeling happy and sad at the same time. No not a mental illness. But that I am thinking of 2 diff things accordingly.
1st: I feel glad to be where I am now. In this class, been throught wad I have, and how things proceeded along... I am thankful of wad happened to me and all these really made me stronger, more insightful, more sensitive. I am thankful.
2nd: On the other hand... I also feel sad for wad I am currently facing. Dun u sometimes long for simplicity in life? Why can't things be as clear cut as 1, 2, 3? Why can't we just be natural and all, and allow nature to take its course? Sometimes I continue to wonder about wad exactly brought me to where I am now. And whether wad i am doing is reallywad i want. Giving up? Maybe not. But i tink it would be rather hard to move ahead too... Oh well... let's juz stay where we r. and yes treat things simply. Simplicity. No more, no less.
I miss my simplicity.
Simplicity is the most complex of the simplest ideas.
i was with you @ 9:56 pm
Sunday, October 08, 2006
My vision's as hazy as the Singapore sky...
No it's not the problem of my eyes, it's just my feelings. I am once again tied to some very sad truths of life. If things can't be changed, change. Change urself to suit it. Change to be able to accomodate to the changes. Let everything go thru tis cooling down. Give urself some time to think.
I have been thinking quite a lot. It's good as I have sorted out some of the problems, while some intensified and is affecting me....
I guess I will have to learn to live wif it. Yupx.
Life of certain uncertainties
i was with you @ 5:38 pm
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Are we living in heaven thinking of Earth?
Why do I say so?
Don't u sometimes get e feeling that our lives are simply so miraculous? Let's not tok abt anything that din went on as planned. Let's forget our worries and focus on wad we are doing.
I personally live in some regrets, some miseries, some sadness, some of everything. Some of all the things. But when all this add up, ppl often tell me it amounts to like a lot... But I tend to differ in tis thought.
A little bit of everything is juz part and parcel of life. I am a perosn alive and toking to u now. But wad can I do to change wad I have done? Nothing. What can I do to eliminate all the sadness and miseries? Nothing.
as helpless as it seems, nothing is lost actually. U never learn without a fall. You never know until you try. My regrets were my greatest lessons. My sadness were my greatest motivation to not repeat them again. All this is about perception.
If u take a step back and try to look at everything, you can see everything. if you make the effort to realise wad you din. You can. I am sure you can.
Shadows of the light, dim with the bright.
i was with you @ 9:41 pm
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Learn from the past, think of the future, live in the present.
Sometimes i juz wonder.
And i continue to do so, even now.
I am having this weird recap on all events tat occurred this year. I am thinking of wad I have done, what I wanted to do, what I wanted to get, and what I think I have gotten. Am I too far away from my own reality?
Sometimes this thought is disturbing. But nonetheless I have continued to do so. Not that I wanted, but I juz can't help it.
Feeling a bit sian now. Why have things evolved the way I din want it to..? Not denying some of the things are completely my fault. I deserve wad I get. And not forgetting events that went on as planned or hoped. Which is good. But then I might juz have this regret. I dunno wad now. But certainly it exist.
Endless dreams. Endless memories. In the end. Only wad remains, is you urself. For there is no longer anything that one can do to change their memories, nor realise those unrealistic dreams.
Though so let's not be too pessimistic and look on the bright side! At least you have a dream! Yes. Work towards it my fren. I hope u will succeed. I hope I can. For all this I hope.. I dream.
Dreams of reality trying to merge reality into dreams.
i was with you @ 8:57 pm
